January 5, 2010
Vintage Sick Rooms: Ah, To Have Been Ill In The Olden Days
It's actually a bit of gallows humor, here...I am very sick. I have a pretty serious lung infection. The thing is, I didn't even realize it. I went to the doctor this morning about my sinuses and an expedient x-ray exposed the real problem. A cough had been bugging me for a while now, but I didn't think it was anything so...drastic.
I'm on bedrest until Saturday and swallowing antibiotics like mad. If the infection isn't cleared up by next week, I have to go in the hospital until it clears. Yes, it's that bad. I cannot stress this enough, folks: I had no idea that I was this sick.
Anyway, back to the vintage.
Oh, to have been sick back in the more elegant days of 23 Skiddoo and pole sitting! Doctors really knew how to hook their patients up back then. Now, I have a prescription bottle of codeine cough medicine sitting on my vanity table that is the only good thing out of this whole business of the Streptococcus Pneumoniae Construction Company building little paramecia condos in my lungs. But did you catch the bit about Cosadein syrup having a Healthy Helping of the sweet, sweet leaf? Can you imagine how delightful a spoonful of that viscous delicacy must have been? Forget the scientific name of Cosedein. They should have just called it what it actually was: Heaven's Nectar.
Also, in modern medicine, I was given just an itty-bitty bottle of the codeine syrup. Addictions must be prevented, after all, although you still see a new episode of Intervention every week. I digress. Did I read that right...Cosadein was served up in GALLON jugs for cough-suppressing enjoyment? Pardon me while I ponder how wonderful life would be if I could carry around my own gallon jug of codeine goodness with me at all times. I would even deck it out like Granny did for her hooch on The Beverly Hillbillies, with the "XXX" on the front, instead of the label. People in the olden days got it right. Cough bothering you? Take a healthy swig from your gallon flask of codeine mixed with ganja. You might still cough, but you no longer mind, and suddenly you feel more charitable toward your mother-in-law.