Expressing Marital Love Through The Magic Of Olive Oil

The women of today will shout indignantly about this ad, but I personally don't see anything wrong with it.  I do love my husband and I do want to look lovely for him.  What kind of a sorry trick would I be if I didn't?

No date available on this one; looks late 1940s to me.

Dream Lovers: Frank and Mia, 1966

On July 19, 1966, Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow were married at The Sands in
Las Vegas.

The bride was 21.  The groom was 50.  Despite the age difference, they were mad about each other.

His nickname for her was "Doll Face."  She called him "Charlie Brown." 

"I don't know, maybe we'll only have a couple of years together. She's so young. But we have to try."  -Frank to daughter Nancy on the day of the wedding.

Frank and Mia's marriage lasted just two years, but they remained close friends until his death.  Mia was said to be devastated when he died, and she has remained very good friends with the Sinatra children over the years, Nancy in particular.   Mia refused any sort of cash settlement from Frank when they divorced.  When Woody Allen wronged Mia with Soon-Yi Previn, Frank reportedly offered to have Woody "taken care of."  Mia was touched by the gesture...it was classic Frank, her one and only Charlie Brown...but she refused.

From 1989: No More Cheap Whore. Now She's Mrs. DTB III.

A note from Laura:

I have decided to republish my pieces about Betty Broderick in light of her continued incarceration.  I feel that my words, coupled with your words, are the only true justice Betty will see.  She deserves to have her story told.  Perhaps these truths will, in some measure, set her free.

January 4, 2017

A NEW piece about the Broderick case, in light of the Dirty John series:

The Truth About Dan Broderick

Linda Kolkena on her wedding day: April 22, 1989.

Sent to me by Anonymous.

The title of this post is a line lifted directly from Betty Broderick's nearly incoherent scrawled diary entry for that day.

It makes me sad that Linda Kolkena apparently thought so little of herself that she settled for the alcoholic jackass that was Daniel T. Broderick III.

It took Mr. Wonderful SIX YEARS to get around to marrying the woman he supposedly loved so much.

How insulting. Then again, women who marry men for their money always find that they have to earn every single penny.

Notice that she is wearing emerald and diamond earrings. Probably a gift from Danny Boy. Dan Broderick and his fellow annoying friends were all obsessed with Ireland, you know. (Including David Monahan, the lawyer who was so mean to Linda Kolkena about her lack of a college education that he used to make her cry...something her paramour, Danny Boy, apparently did nothing about.) Christ, Dan Broderick must have been a thumping, insufferable bore to know. An overgrown fraternity boy with an overinflated sense of self.

Maybe if he and his second bride, partners in infidelity and mental cruelty and eventually death, had been a little nicer to his *first* bride, the mother of his children, we'd still be able to find out whether or not my assessment is correct.

They chose to be mean, manipulative, and childish. They drove Betty crazy. Betty shot them both and killed them.

Now all that is left are photographs.

 

 What goes around, comes around.

Why Marge Can't Hold A Man: A Cautionary Tale

You can rely on the "actual scientific tests."
They won't steer you wrong...and they might just get Harvey to finally propose!

From 1958: What Becomes A Legend Most? A Child Bride Who Also Happens To Be Your Distant Cousin

Jerry Lee Lewis with his third wife, Myra Gale, aged 13 years

Happy November: A Housewife Who Finds Her Own Personal Zen In Her Ability To Make Coffee For Her Ever-Lovin' Hubby, Harvey

This 1960s housewife is dismayed to learn that The Girls At The Office make better coffee for her Harvey than she does (on their "hot plates," no less)!



"If I could just make a decent cup of coffee, I could relax!"

Our Continuing Series On Vintage Stank Hos: More Fedoras, More Family Doctors, More Funky Va-jay-jays!

"I'm staying at the Harvard Club tonight. A couple of belts of Scotch with the fellas and a rubdown by Swede might make me feel better..."

"Doc, my wife smells like she's running a fish hatchery in her undies. Can you say something to her about it?"

This Week On A Touch Of Tuesday Weld: When Innocent Housewives Are Actually Stank Hos

In this heartbreaking ad, a fedora-bedecked husband walks out on his clueless wife because she is a Stank Ho!

"If I wanted to smell that," he sniped, "I would have taken a job slinging trash cans behind Red Lobster instead of being on the executive fast track at Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe!"

American wives, beware! Shove Dakin's solution, which is essentially weak bleach water, up your cooch to keep the peace in your marriage! Dangerous chemicals are not a concern when your marital bliss is at stake! It's the American way!

From 1967: Dollface

Beautiful Mia Farrow in 1967, when she was still Mrs. Frank Sinatra

Despite a quite acrimonious divorce in 1968 (Frank famously served her papers in her flower-child trailer on the set of Rosemary's Baby, and she cried so hard that she was unable to shoot for days afterward) and a union that lasted merely two years, Mia and Sinatra remained very close until his death, and she is still on excellent terms with the remainder of the Sinatra family.

Frank and Mia arrive at Truman Capote's famous Black and White Ball:

Frank and Mia's wedding day at The Sands in Vegas, July 19, 1966:

A still from the Life article:

From 1970: Leave My Kitten Alone

From 1946: A Variation On The Old Adage About Cooks, Kitchens, Ladies, Parlors, Whores, And Bedrooms

I just noticed that this is one LOUSY double-clicker. Sorry about that...you know I tend to only favor ads where you can double-click them to see them in all of their glory. I'll let this one stay, but I will be more vigilant in the future.

From 1951: That Crucial Moment When Every American Housewife Realizes That Her Beloved Snookums Is, At Heart, A Low-Down Dirty Dawg

(one of the best double-clickers yet, so don't miss out!)

Take it from the good folks at Dorothy Gray Salon, housewives of America: Jim or Donald or Harold or Ralph have a perfect right, nay, a duty to cheat on you with Miss Veronica Homewrecker down the street if you do not remain the gal he married...in every way!

No wrinkles, no fat, no grey hairs...he married you when you were a cutie, now it's your duty to stay that way. Just as fresh-faced, dainty and unspoiled as the day you said "I Do."

Happy marriages are the burden of the wives, ladies. Call the Dorothy Gray Salon today!

And if all else fails, you can always just rub radioactive dirt on your face and pray for a quick death from some hideous cancer.

Because This Whole Thing Has Gotten Too Fucking Ridiculous