The Magic Of Clorox, As Demonstrated By Two Oddly Disembodied Hands

This lovely housewife took a little time out of her busy schedule of penciling on eyebrows that Joan Crawford in Trog! would envy and multiple layers of Revlon's Cherries In The Snow lipstick to tell the world about the wonders of Clorox, complete with its revolutionary No-Drip Lip.

However, are we to believe that those are her hands?  They just seem to be floating from nowhere.

No matter, gals...get yourself some of Today's Clorox (and a Philco Duomatic from 1960) now!

If It's Thursday, It Must Mean That It's Time To Do A Post About A Woman's Lack Of Intimate Daintiness

Tears, recriminations, overnight visits to "The Club" by her husband...
...and all because no one will say to her just five simple words:

"GIRL, YOUR TWAT SO STANKY!"

Hopefully, a Love Quiz written by a perverted old geezer at Lysol, coupled with a coupon for a Free Booklet that may or may not be called, "So Your Hubby's Nickname Around The Office Is Gorton," will set this wife straight about the importance of sticking toxic chemicals up her coochie in order to render it Monsanto Fresh.

From 1978: When Racism Permeates Even Household Cleaning Products

Luckily for this woman, her household cleaner is "a white tornado." How else would she have the time to take singing lessons, iron and starch her Mom Jeans, and put on that much eyeliner?

Vintage Hoarders: Now With 100% More Myocardial Infarctions, 100% More Hilarity

By the way, this theme song, which is the absolute definition of Funky, was written and recorded by Rashida Jones' dad, Quincy.

p.s. LOVE Rashida Jones.

Extremely Cool Website: Clean & Green

Don't let the oh-so-trendy "green" moniker turn you off of this wonderful site.

In it are loads of tips for how to get your house really clean, using only natural household ingredients.  

Why buy tons of harsh, artificial products at the store (even the "organic" stuff!),  when all you need for a clean house can be found in your everyday cupboard?

I hate the smell of cleaning products, don't you?  Especially the ones that are supposed to smell like flowers.  Doesn't it make sense to clean with the oils and buds of real flowers to get a delicious fragrance?

Have you priced so-called "green" cleaning products at the grocery store or Walmart lately? It's outrageous, what companies are charging for "organic" cleaning products, especially when, with a little help from this site, you see that buying such products is absolutely unnecessary.  The most expensive cleaning items in my cupboard are several bottles of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps in different fragrances: Eucalyptus, Peppermint, and Lavender.  A tiny bit goes a long way, and I can't think of anything better to clean a kitchen with than a cloth, hot hot water, and bit of Dr. Bronner's.  (Dr. Bronner's products have been around for 60 years, and he was "organic" long before the Whole Foods crowd decided that they were.)

Cleaning your abode the "clean and green way" WILL save you money! Most of these tips harken back to the "olden days" of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers.  They are frugal, practical, and easy to use.  Many of them are also used all of the time on the BBC program How Clean Is Your House?  There, the cleaning ladies, Kim and Aggie, battle Britain's dirtiest, messiest houses with the same cleaning agents listed below, and they get wonderful results. You will do the same!  I know that I sure did.

***********************

An excerpt:

Here's a collection of my favorite natural cleaning formulas, concoctions and witches brews. MOST are safe and nontoxic, with a few exceptions which are clearly noted. Use the ingredients listed below when making your own alternative cleaners, most are inexpensive and you probably already have many of them in your kitchen cupboards. All can be found at your local supermarket, natural food store or drugstore.

Used individually or combined, these cleaners are safe, effective and cost-efficient.

BAKING SODA (sodium bicarbonate): An all-purpose, non-toxic cleaner. Cleans, deodorizes, removes stains and softens fabrics.
BORAX (sodium borate): A natural mineral that kills mold and bacteria. An alternative to bleach, it deodorizes, removes stains and boosts the cleaning power of soap. Please note safety precautions at the bottom of this page.
CASTILE and VEGETABLE OIL BASED SOAPS: Cleans everything
CORNSTARCH: Starches clothes, absorbs oil and grease
HERBS and ESSENTIAL OILS: For disinfecting and fragrance
LEMON JUICE: Cuts through grease and removes perspiration and other stains from clothing.A bleach alternative.
SALT (sodium chloride): An abrasive
TOOTHPASTE A mild abrasive
VINEGAR (acetic acid): Cuts grease, removes stains and is an excellent water softener.
WASHING SODA (sodium carbonate): Cleans clothes, softens water, cuts grease and disinfects. Increases the cleaning power of soap.

************************

FYI: "Biological washing powder" is what Americans know as "OxiClean."