"...so I have more time to tease my hair to dizzying heights!"

Don't get me wrong.  I enjoy Convenient Meats as much as the next gal, especially in a party setting, as I am usually too shy to speak to anyone and wind up drowning my sorrows in several party-size platters of assorted cold cuts.

And I am willing to overlook the fact that Our Lovely Hostess has apparently chosen to go with a quasi-Polynesian theme for her Whores Devores (hors d'oeuvres).  You just know those cherries came straight from a glorious syrupy jar, and the pineapple is courtesy of Dole!

I can't, however, overlook the hair.  It fascinates me.  The amount of engineering...not to mention hairspray...involved in this coiffure belongs in The Hairdo Hall Of Fame.  If one exists.  And if one doesn't, should I start one?

Expressing Marital Love Through The Magic Of Olive Oil

The women of today will shout indignantly about this ad, but I personally don't see anything wrong with it.  I do love my husband and I do want to look lovely for him.  What kind of a sorry trick would I be if I didn't?

No date available on this one; looks late 1940s to me.

From 1967: Quick-Cooked In Dragon Fire!

That's Jim Henson's voice and dragon Muppet.

From 1943: A Big Bottle Of "We Can Do It!"

Double-click this one to get all of its goodness.

As you know, I find bits of Americana like this quite wonderful.  It was a different world.  Sometimes I feel like I actually belong in *that* America, and that I was born much too late.

Uncanny!

As I Blog While Starving (And A Chicken Is Baking In My Oven And Our Whole House Smells Like Lemony Garlicky Deliciousness)

And as my stomach growls...

Boy howdy, this blog is going to be a favorite of mine.  I can just tell.

I've been toying with the notion of actually making some of the vintage recipes that cross my path, kind of like what I did with The Salad of '75 (remember?).

Then I would photograph the results and give you my review.

What do you think?

I love the condescending quotation marks.  Isn't that cute of that homemaker, to actually think that she's a chef?  Whatever will her pretty little head think up next?

From 1949: With Just One Rinse

'Round the Linger homestead, 
Sunday Night tends to be Laundry Night.

Ken dreads it, because invariably I get to pining for Laundry Detergents Gone, But Not Forgotten.  Like Duz.  Or Salvo.  Or even Solo, which was actually a fabric softener.

1950

 1965

date unknown

Some of the classic old brands are still around, but damn, you have to work triple-time to find them.  I have the most luck at Big Lots, should I want to take a walk down Rare Laundry Detergents Lane (and, of course, I always do).

The laundry detergent I love to remember the most is Oxydol.  Not only do I remember my own Mom using it when we were kids, it is prominently featured in the 1981 John Waters' classic Polyester.  Remember when Dexter is looking for a foot to stomp in the grocery store?  Look in the background at the brands.  There it is, in all its green-boxed, early eighties' glory: Oxydol.

I scored a big bottle of the stuff at Big Lots last spring, and it was wonderful...but I haven't seen it on the shelves since. 

 Obviously some of the women from Jonestown were recruited for Oxydol print ads.

In this ad, more psychotic housewives, possibly while overdosing on Miltown, enjoy the whiter whites their Oxydol detergent delivered.

This ad for Oxydol was obviously someone's graduate thesis.  Well, laundry is a science, after all.  The Monkees and Julie Newmar taught us that.

From 1949, the earliest days of television.
I think this model of washing machine actually was called 
"The Mangler."

The Magic Of Clorox, As Demonstrated By Two Oddly Disembodied Hands

This lovely housewife took a little time out of her busy schedule of penciling on eyebrows that Joan Crawford in Trog! would envy and multiple layers of Revlon's Cherries In The Snow lipstick to tell the world about the wonders of Clorox, complete with its revolutionary No-Drip Lip.

However, are we to believe that those are her hands?  They just seem to be floating from nowhere.

No matter, gals...get yourself some of Today's Clorox (and a Philco Duomatic from 1960) now!

What This Blog Needs: The Magic Of Soup

I love soup.  I could live quite happily on the stuff.

Growing up on a tight budget in Indiana, we ate a lot of Campbell's soup.  Bean With Bacon and Tomato were the favorites in our house.   Our thermoses were often filled with Beef Barley soup for schooltime lunches.  And if you were sick, Mom made our sickroom a little more special with Chicken And Stars.

Today, as an adult, one of the ultimate comfort foods for me is Campbell's Tomato made with full-fat half-and-half.

From 1954: When Someone Barfs On The Table And Calls It "Supper"

Women's Day

March 1954 

It's the little lemon slices that make this dish elegant!

From 1958: Back When You Could Say "Beef Balls" Without Having Someone Snicker

I love old recipes.  This is a terrific double-clicker and we might just have all four of these dishes over the next couple of weeks.

From 1971: When American Housewives Are Tormented By The Exotic Birds In Their Lives Because Of Common Laundry Problems

And who is this actress? She looks so very familiar to me.



And a question: who taught the parrot to say "ring around the collar" as a taunt to this beleaguered housewife? I suspect the 1971 Husband here in this clip. He looks like the type to badger his wife about those pesky stains and complain about her lousy cooking. Or perhaps the bird was a fan of soap operas, and learned the statement from other Wisk commercials.

When Beelzebub Joins America's Fight Against Post-Nasal Drip

"Anahist"...sounds more like "Anti-Christ" to this blogger!
What Byron Caran doesn't tell you is that there were black robes, drippy candles, and pentagrams involved in their miraculous recovery. Things really got wacky when Mom sacrificed The Beaver to their Dark Lord! (And what a mess!)

Hope You Had A Cool Yule

Me, I'm plum tuckered out from making the Yuletide gay!

We had a really splendid holiday, lots of lovely presents (I got a Kitchen Aid stand mixer!  A cashmere pashmina!  A bottle of Samsara perfume!), gallons of libations, and a Christmas dinner of all-you-can-eat crab legs at our favorite local Chinese buffet.

I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas, if that's what you celebrate.  May it have been as much fun as this:

1977

I love this picture.  It's from this blog, and I find it so wonderful.

Wait a second...Santa Claus, NO!

From 1964: A Bunch of Ads from The Lucy Show

I especially like the spot for Lux soap.

And dear Lord, can you even imagine what that "Awake" beverage must have tasted like? 

What This (And Every) Blog Needs: More Campbell's Soup

1959

If there's anything I like more than morbidly obese animated children extolling the virtues of My Canned Childhood (we ate a lot of Campbell's in my house growing up), it's using wink-wink nudge-nudge stereotypes about Scottish people to sell soup. "It's thrifty, too...aye, you can add seven or eight cans of water to that soup to make it stretch farther!"

Have you had your soup today?

From 1947: The Next Time You Think "Meatloaf," Be Sure To Think "Prem"

July 1947

"Prem" is the Sanskrit word for "love," but something tells me that that is not the meaning behind the name of this product.

Be sure to double-click the graphic to get the full story on how the wonderfully delicious world of Prem can enrich your dinner table. It seems that Prem consists of some gelatinous mix of pork and beef by-products, suitable for a wide variety of meal options.

Should you want to make your own Prem mini-loaves for supper tonight, there's a convenient recipe right there for you housewife types. Be sure to note the detail about serving cauliflower topped with slivered almonds!

Hey, they have french-fried onions, too, so things can't be that bad!

From 1970: Louise Lasser and Nyquil

The Things You Find When You Are Cleaning Out Your Files!

I tagged McCalls and Ladies Home Journal. While I am unsure which magazine was the source, I am positive that it was one of these two!

If It's Thursday, It Must Mean That It's Time To Do A Post About A Woman's Lack Of Intimate Daintiness

Tears, recriminations, overnight visits to "The Club" by her husband...
...and all because no one will say to her just five simple words:

"GIRL, YOUR TWAT SO STANKY!"

Hopefully, a Love Quiz written by a perverted old geezer at Lysol, coupled with a coupon for a Free Booklet that may or may not be called, "So Your Hubby's Nickname Around The Office Is Gorton," will set this wife straight about the importance of sticking toxic chemicals up her coochie in order to render it Monsanto Fresh.