"...so I have more time to tease my hair to dizzying heights!"

Don't get me wrong.  I enjoy Convenient Meats as much as the next gal, especially in a party setting, as I am usually too shy to speak to anyone and wind up drowning my sorrows in several party-size platters of assorted cold cuts.

And I am willing to overlook the fact that Our Lovely Hostess has apparently chosen to go with a quasi-Polynesian theme for her Whores Devores (hors d'oeuvres).  You just know those cherries came straight from a glorious syrupy jar, and the pineapple is courtesy of Dole!

I can't, however, overlook the hair.  It fascinates me.  The amount of engineering...not to mention hairspray...involved in this coiffure belongs in The Hairdo Hall Of Fame.  If one exists.  And if one doesn't, should I start one?

Newsflash From The American Meat Institute: When You Serve Your Children Cold Cuts, You're Fighting Communism, One Sandwich At A Time!

So when you pack little Johnny's lunch box full of bologna-y, mustardy goodness...

When you insist that little Sally finish her headcheese and saltpeter on day-old rye...

When you pack salami and onions for Dear Hubby's lunch break...

UNCLE SAM TRIUMPHS OVER THE RED MENACE!

Eat a cold cut sandwich today...

It's the American way!