Vintage Boobage

Jerry Hall makes a Nip Slip in June, 1976.

Photograph by Francesco Scavullo.

It's hard to believe, but this actually graced newsstands across the United States without any sort of paper wrapping. How prudish we have become. It's quite a change...and not for the better.

And the diaphragm is back in town! I hear it went backpacking in Europe for a while, but ran out of money when it smoked up all of its funds in Amsterdam. Diaphragm had to call Masters and Johnson for plane fare home, and boy, were they ever pissed!

From 1976: Beautiful Bebe Buell

Some pictures just scream "The Seventies" without any captioning necessary.

Cameron Crowe used Bebe Buell as a source of inspiration for his genius film Almost Famous. When you look at the second photograph, is there really any doubt as to why?

The 1975 Spectacular Continues: Someone I Touched

(AKA, "The Pax Romano Story")

In this memorable 1975 made-for-TV movie, Cloris Leachman is unclean! Phyllis has the syphilis! Even worse, she's knocked up.

Poor Cloris thinks she got "the bug" from her philandering husband, who banged a girl who looks young enough to be his granddaughter, but no! It turns out that she's the family's resident Typhoid Mary, and that she gave VD to her darling hubby, who in turn gave it to the chick from The Boy In The Plastic Bubble.

Oh, 1975. You were such a wacky year, what with your communicable social diseases and county workers with porn 'staches telling nubile young maidens on beaches that they have a whopping case of crotch rot!

"I think you got yourself a case of VD...you're extremely contagious."

Time machine. Take me back now.

And Speaking Of Sandahl Bergman...

...here she is in what might be the most astonishingly beautiful dance sequence ever committed to film (the only other one that I think I might like more is "Cool," from West Side Story).

This is "Airotica," from 1979's All That Jazz. Now, you're all adults, right? So I don't need to mention to anyone that this very sexy clip has nudity in it, okay?

For those of you who haven't seen All That Jazz, directed by Bob Fosse, watch it as soon as you can get a copy. It's marvelous. Do I really need to rant against The Academy in its failure to give Roy Scheider an Oscar for his heartbreaking, infuriating, and often hilarious portayal of Joe Gideon, a thinly veiled take on Bob Fosse himself?

One more thing: I think Sandahl Bergman has quite literally the perfect body here. Ah, well, she is a fitness expert, after all. But still, those legs! (Life is so damned unfair.)

From 1963: Nothing Has Been Proved

Christine Keeler
photographed by David Bailey
1963

If It's Thursday, It Must Mean That It's Time To Do A Post About A Woman's Lack Of Intimate Daintiness

Tears, recriminations, overnight visits to "The Club" by her husband...
...and all because no one will say to her just five simple words:

"GIRL, YOUR TWAT SO STANKY!"

Hopefully, a Love Quiz written by a perverted old geezer at Lysol, coupled with a coupon for a Free Booklet that may or may not be called, "So Your Hubby's Nickname Around The Office Is Gorton," will set this wife straight about the importance of sticking toxic chemicals up her coochie in order to render it Monsanto Fresh.

The Most Seventies Song Of The Seventies

Just sit back, switch on your lava lamp, spark one up, and let the good vibes flow from this easy-listening tale of hitchhiking, anonymous sex, and a van that no doubt had an elaborate design on its side of winged unicorns and oversized mushrooms....an airbrushed interpretation of a trip the driver had one time when he took mescaline and went to Laser Zeppelin.

From 1955: Bettie Page Wishes You A Merry Christmas

January 1955, where Page was Playmate of the Month.

She had a saucy innocence that is both contemporary and provocative, and also nostalgic.
Hugh Hefner

Our Continuing Series On Vintage Stank Hos: More Fedoras, More Family Doctors, More Funky Va-jay-jays!

"I'm staying at the Harvard Club tonight. A couple of belts of Scotch with the fellas and a rubdown by Swede might make me feel better..."

"Doc, my wife smells like she's running a fish hatchery in her undies. Can you say something to her about it?"

This Week On A Touch Of Tuesday Weld: When Innocent Housewives Are Actually Stank Hos

In this heartbreaking ad, a fedora-bedecked husband walks out on his clueless wife because she is a Stank Ho!

"If I wanted to smell that," he sniped, "I would have taken a job slinging trash cans behind Red Lobster instead of being on the executive fast track at Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe!"

American wives, beware! Shove Dakin's solution, which is essentially weak bleach water, up your cooch to keep the peace in your marriage! Dangerous chemicals are not a concern when your marital bliss is at stake! It's the American way!

From 1959: When Huge Jugs And Perception-Bending Drugs Collide In The Mind Of The Man In The Grey Flannel Suit

What a piece of work this gem is!

Not only will Good Old Harvey no longer "lie there and mope," he will live to see another day to be his usual lecherous and unpleasant self...thanks to the magic of the wizards at Smith, Kline, and French!

Indeed, a "bright side" for your patients...and the hardworking nurses who just love to be ogled by them!

Dexamyl featured a mixture of dextroamphetamine and amobarbital in an extended release capsule (the "Spansule"). This highly addictive drug was very popular on the street, where it was sold under the name of "Christmas Trees," so named for their bright green capsules and pearly white granules visible within.

Dexamyl was taken off the market on June 30, 1973.

From 1979: Kim Alexis On The Cover Of US Vogue

Photographed by Stan Malinowski

From the same issue:

All of these are *astonishing* double-clickers. Enjoy!

From 1983: Bebe Buell

Buell says in her most excellent memoir Rebel Heart that her on-again, off-again paramour Elvis Costello was disgusted by this layout, so much so that it lead him to dump her for the eight millionth time (big deal; Costello's a putz). Liz Derringer, wife of rocker Rick, was one of Bebe's closest friends at the time.

I love whores.

A Tribute To Vintage VD, Part Four: Phallic Imagery And Floozies

Third Installment In Our Weeklong Tribute To Vintage VD: Sing Along If You Know The Words!

I can't seem to find an exact date for this clip. Some sources say "the 1970s," while others place it as beginning to air on television in the fall of 1969. I myself doubt the 1969 date, largely because of the 1970s "look" of similar PSAs, not to mention the actors' clothes and hairstyles.

Another Special Moment In Our Weeklong Tribute To Vintage VD

"Sailor beware!" She's got critters in her knickers! Whatever "questionable pleasure" you are able to locate in said knickers will make your future progeny cry...and The Baby Jesus will cry, too!

Instead...take a cold shower! Read your Bible! Write a letter to your sweetheart! Dream about Mom's apple pie!

That's getting your rocks off...the AMERICAN way!

The Second Installment In Our "So You've Banged Someone Unclean" Series (With Bonus Educational Film!)

1930s

Now I want you all to pay attention. Don't let Jerry Anderson's shame be YOURS!

From 1936: So You've Banged Someone Unclean

1936

From 1945: Because "Rubbing Boiled Onions On Your Privates" Is Only Going To Leave You Smelling Like Your Great Aunt Tilly's Apartment Up In Yonkers

1945

From 1970: Ever With Its Pulse On America, Playboy Takes A Loving Look At The No-Bra Look

Centerfold for September 1970, Debbie Ellison:

(I think she's really pretty)